So This Is Writing (Happy XMas)

Miss Snark's First Victim blog is asking for original holiday lyrics based around writing. Here's mine:

To the tune of Happy XMas (War is Over)

So This Is Writing

So this is writing

What shall I write now?
The next great bestseller
If I only knew how

And so this is writing
I hope it's not trite
I've way too much back story
Guess I'll have to rewrite

A very wary adverb
Suddenly gets marked out
Let's hope it reads better
Could there be any doubt?

And so happy writing
Pound the desk with my fist
I've got no motivation
For my antagonist

A very wary query
I hope it will sell
Masterpiece or disaster
It's the best tale I could tell

Writing's over
If I let it
Never over
Write

Just Believe: A 100 Word Story

Photo by Lisa Ruokis
CC license

Just Believe

A 100 word story by Scott Hughey

Belief is reality, or so the Extreminators teach.  I can’t take the risk.  In five minutes, every Extreme member will believe humanity never existed.  My job is to stop them.

No, I’m not joking.  They’ve already used group belief to wipe Monthia off the map.  Never heard of it?  They claim that proves their point.  I don’t know, a continent or something.  Check their website.

I have one team believing humans exist.  Another thinks the Extremes are nuts.  A third believes in objective truth.  Let’s hope its enough.  Me?  No, I don’t think it’ll work.  

It’s time.  Let’s see if

The Write kind of Puns

Sometimes I amuse myself on Twitter so much, I have to share the results here. Today, it was all about writing puns and jokes:

#WritingJokes

• I read about a troll living under an overpass. There was no overpass though. The book was abridged.
  
  
  
• Reading high-fantasy can be hobbit forming.
  
• Thinking of writing a romance novel. The leads will rendezvous privately in an unexpected plot tryst.
  
• I couldn't see my character's motivation in my first draft. That's why I needed to do a revision.
  
• Thought I had a great story idea: a mermaid who lived in a pond. Turns out the plot was a bit shallow.
  
• I read a story about an 8 foot tall man who meets a real giant. Talk about a tall tale!
  
• Her poetry was so horrible, the judge made her read it out loud to herself. After all, the punishment should fit the rhyme.
  
• Did you hear about the two writers on their honeymoon? They spent a lot of time in metaphorplay.
  
• I'm writing my next novel in my friend's basement. He has the best cellar.
  
• The writer was convicted of plagiarism. His sentence was to hand write "War and Peace." Talk about Carpal Punishment!
  
• I'm always freezing at my writing desk. Probably because there's so many drafts.
  
• I bet Charles Dickens had an interesting spice rack in his kitchen. He had the best of thymes and the worst of thymes.
  
• My first short story was about a woman who maintained a small garden. Too bad it didn't have much of a plot.
  
• When I write longhand, I get #writers cramp. It's a bad case of authoritis.
  
• Did you hear about the backwards #poet? She wrote inverse.

Writer's Digest April Fool's Headline Contest

Hope I'm doing this right. Here's my entry for the April Fool's Contest by Brian Klems.

"A Third Person Arrested in the Dangling Modifier Case." #AprilFools4Writers @BrianKlems http://bit.ly/1jUbnq1 

Yep. That's three puns in 140 characters, making up one headline. Enjoy.

Finding Time to Write

Who has time to write?

By the look of my local Barnes and Noble, hundreds of people. No... thousands. What's their secret? Beats me. It's a secret.

I've found two things that work for me though.  The first is to set aside a time to write. But if I blogged about that today, this entry would already be over. What's the second method?

I blogged a few months back about Finding the Cracks. When you have spare time, use it to write. And I don't mean spare time, like when you have an unexpected three hours because the cable went out (even though that's an opportunity.) I mean ten minutes. Twenty. I'm talking about the cracks in your schedule.

The difficulty is in recognizing these opportunities.  That's where this list comes in. Here are times you might not otherwise think about as opportunities to write:

1. Do you have children? Do they play organized sports? Are they any good? If the answers to these questions are (Yes, Yes and No) then you have a built in time for writing. Take your notebook or laptop with you to the sidelines and get to work. If anyone gets upset at you for this, that just helps you create more believable conflict.
   
   
2. Work meetings. You've probably been in The Meeting That Would Not Die. Most of us have.  Here's a tip. Always take a writing pad with you. You should do this anyway, so you can take notes. And note taking is a built in excuse for plotting your next novel.  Oh, and here's another tip. Do you make weird faces when you're trying to write your characters' reactions? Then keep your facial expressions at a minimum during your manager's big presentation. I figured that one out the hard way.
   
   
3. Repetitive arguments are a fantastic time to get more writing in.  I'm talking about that disagreement, probably (but not necessarily with a significant other) that never goes anywhere. She says "You're always distracted." You say, "Always is an absolute statement. Wouldn't it be more accurate to say I'm sometimes distracted?" And she says, "What are you doing? Writing?" Hmm. Come to think of it, try to arrange for the argument to take place over the phone. Otherwise, you're more likely to lose.

See? Right there are three quick and easy ways to squeeze in more writing. As a bonus, if they leave single, with estranged children and no job, you'll have even MORE time to write!

My ideas are not only good. They're exponentially good. 

See? Even though this post was time consuming, it's totally worth it. You can thank me later.

Frasier, Humor and Conflict

So help me, I thought I blogged about the Frasier television show a month ago.  Turns out I didn't.

I'm tempted to try and make a tossed salad and scrambled eggs pun here, but I'll spare you.

Here's the thing.  I decided several months ago to watch every episode on Netflix.  The decision had nothing to do with writing, this was for pure entertainment.


The show grew better every season.  Almost every episode.  I didn't think to ask why, after all I hadn't started writing in earnest again yet.  But, when the time came to craft stories again, I wondered two things.

1) Why are the shows so good?
2) Why are they so funny?

Several answers exist to these questions.  The excellent cast is one obvious answer.  But, from a writing standpoint, what were they doing so well?

I decided conflict, and specifically escalating conflict, answered both questions.  Stories with no struggles or obstacles are not stories.

Every Frasier episode has at least one problem.  The problem gets worse.  Triumphs turn into setbacks in the blink of an eye.  There may be resolution by the end of the show, but you can bet that things will get worse before they get better.

No matter what genre, style or medium you want to write, you could do far worse than turning to this old sitcom as a case study in rising conflict.

The same goes for humor.  There are several types of comedy, so don't think this is intended to cover all of it.  It's a good rule of thumb though: to create humor, have your characters act as if they are in a drama.  It is trivial when Frasier has to walk the dog for his father, rather than see the entirety of the throat singing concert.  However, he makes it seem like the end of the world, because to him it is.  Hilarity follows.

This really hit home during the the Season 6 Episode, Three Valentines.  It opens with Niles setting up for a date in Frasier's apartment.  Everything is perfect.  But wait!  His pants are not perfectly pressed.  No matter, he has time.  He has time to iron them.  In doing so, he finds a loose thread.  While fixing that he cuts himself.  The blood makes him pass out.  The situation continues to escalate, setting up the climax perfectly. By the time Niles sets the couch on fire, it's the only possible outcome to the series of events.

And even then, the conflict hasn't finished growing.  It gets even worse.

Oh, by the way.  Spoiler alert.


Conflict.  You can learn it from this show.  And don't tell me how it ends please.  I'm only on Season 9.